The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Have you walked past a mirror and avoided looking into it because you felt hurt, guilt, or shame? It can be hard to embrace “you” who stands there looking. You may have made a decision that has tarnished your character, and left you with all those feelings aforementioned. Perhaps you are a victim of character assassination, and it has left you with the feelings of hurt and shame. Whichever is the case, both can be extremely challenging to live with.
John chapter 8 illustrates a lesson of a woman who had been caught in the act of adultery was brought to Jesus by the scribes and Pharisees. Moses’ law commanded that such a woman should be stoned. They wanted to know Jesus’ response. He responded by saying, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her.”
Can you identify with any of the above-said feelings? I certainly can identify with these feelings as I reflect on a couple of past relationships in my mid-20’s which I assumed had the potential to flourish. Instead of an opportunity for a relationship, I was just another score to one who I later discovered was in a relationship with someone else or was married. To top it off, the need to share information with others in this small community was sickening. Information on the island spreads fast like wildfire. I have experienced years of going through this turmoil, and I did not learn quickly.
Being faced with the daunting task of performing your duties amongst co-workers on your job, members at a local organization, classmates at school, or relatives and friends at home who are privy to such sensitive information is difficult. Keep in mind that they are also affected by the dilemma which you’ve experienced, and the weight of their hurt, shame and disappointed is added to your shoulder. Support and understanding from those closest to you are important, and although the journey seems unending, many will not be there for you. There is also the chance of losing your job, family, or friend(s).
In coping with the consequences that followed, I disconnected from everyone which seemed to be the safest alternative. There were times when people came to me to share what others had said or to question its validity. Some came and expressed how they felt about what they heard. It all triggered that emotional wound, prompting me to remain isolated. It has been years of isolation and refusing to embrace opportunities that would bring healing.
Although I am known to wear my feelings on my face, the image of this ‘young saved church lady’ that so many admired, was one I’d been fighting to maintain for many years. Hurt, shame, and defeat had gripped my soul, and I did not want to trust anyone. Anyone who asked if I was ok, the answer was mostly “I am fine.” That I know I am, however, my distance and silence depicted another response. It is never easy to live amongst people who judge you due to past mistakes or those who enjoy ripping open healed wounds.
You look for the good in life, but evil is right there lurking, waiting for an opportunity to destroy you. Beating yourself up will not make the pain, guilt, or shame go away.
How do you overcome the feeling of guilt, hurt, and shame?
Forgive yourself, others, and let go of the past. When I accepted my past behaviors and learned to forgive myself for making the decisions I made, I began my journey to healing.
You are not alone, countless others have passed this way before. Unfortunately, some were pushed to a dark place where committing suicide was their choice to escape all that they bore. There are many alternatives to overcome these feelings. The most important is having someone who understands and respects you; one who will be there with you through it all.
I was looking for love in all the wrong places at all the wrong times. Perhaps my heart was too soft, too kind, always in a vulnerable state? I was like a sheep; gullible, and could not recognize a wolf. I just wanted companionship, someone to love and who would love me in return.
Whether you are a victim of character assassination, an individual who just made the wrong choice and learned quickly not repeat history, or an individual like me who has taken a long time to learn; stand and embrace yourself. Make the mirror your friend, it is not your enemy because it can only show you the structure that houses you. You who resides inside is resilient! You are like an iceberg; seen and known above the surface, but the depth of your strength runs deep. Do not limit yourself to past hurt, or cage yourself in the prison walls of your mind; as a victim wallowing in bondage.
Words do hurt and can leave you broken for a long time. Do not give up when evil appears like a tornado, roars like a freight train, and seeks to inflict pain. Instead of hiding yourself and neglecting the abilities that you possess, stand and look upon you who were created with a purpose. Look up and continue to live as the good, the bad, and the ugly confronts you.